Haven't Forgotten

Yo!

I haven't forgotten about this blog. I've been doing too much on the trip to get a chance to sit down and write. Plus, my internet access has been limited. Definitely for the better.

I have LOTS of content stirring, lots of notes, lots to share.

I'm on my way back and will make a concerted effort to give a full report upon my return!

Sorry to all of those sitting on the edge of your seats...

Love you all!

Nate

Still No Place Like Home

PA is great – People seem generally educated and pleasant to be around. There's a lot of cool stuff going on here, and it's absolutely beautiful. I can't get over the post-card like settings of farms and trees. The craftsmanship and overall high level of maintenance seems to stem from the Amish influence. Overall – great time! Also, it's great to see Jesse, Karlin, Owen, and Eli!!

NYC – Absolutely Nuts, in a nut shell. It was a lot better once I peed after holding it for over an hour in a traffic jam through the Lincoln tunnel, Times square, and wrong GPS directions. There was never a quiet moment, and it was exciting for a long weekend, but I think that's about all I could do. It was cool to see the uniqueness of all the neighborhoods, but I would get exhausted just existing.

DC – Also very cool. Much more beautiful than NYC. I loved seeing all the neighborhoods there too, and everything was impeccably well kept. It better be for the nation's capital. Maryland was also well kept but a lot more realistic. After I learned how to maneuver a round-about, I felt a lot better. Driving wasn't necessarily the death wish I made it out to be. I also enjoyed that people were fit and active. I don't think I could keep up with the DC political yuppie social scene. I am just not the type to go out every night, but it sure was fun for a while. I totally dug all of the restaurants and the fact that you could get any type of food imaginable. I liked that people seemed to have it together there. I'm a big fan of competency if you couldn't tell.

Baltimore – Woah…. This place is sketch town, and amazing. Like Sarah said, it changes from block to block. This place was definitely real life… maybe a little too much like an episode of cops. All of the neighborhoods were cool though, in terms of having unique quality. People did not put up a front there, which I liked. I guess it's a good compromise for being close to both the DC and NYC scene without being submerged in the chaos. Baltimore seems like a place that desperately needs some love. Competency is in question here but I guess it could feel nice to be toward the top of the mental food chain… as long as I don't get arrogant about it. It would be a good place to live for a short amount of time. I guess the same could be said about all these east coast destinations.

Not sure what else I will see on the east coast… the sun is in question right now.

There's still no place like home. I left being willing to plant if God called me somewhere else, but right now nothing has tripped my trigger enough to pack up the Uhaul just yet. Time to get back to exploring Pennsylvania!

 

 

Own Up

Through a random series of events on this trip, one theme has become overwhelmingly clear to me. Things are the least complicated when you just tell the truth. The whole truth. The first time. I don't understand why it's so hard, yet I know I am not always the first to do it. Help me with this. Call me on it. When layers upon layers are built on shaky ground, it's inevitably going to come crashing down. You're just going to have to explain yourself later. It's far more mentally exhausting to think about the erroneous foundation you have laid and build upon it without contradicting it. Who wants to go to bed mentally exhausted? I know I don't like spending all day walking around on eggshells crafting something into something it isn't. If you just say it right the first time, you're done. It's like ripping off a band-aid. When the whole situation is explained, it's really not that bad anyway. What is the appeal to skirting around the issue? Sure it's easier now, but in the long run it's a disaster. Even if the other person is totally on board with your story, the person doesn't know it's a lie, so they are going to fix the fake issue and the real issue is still out there. Wow… progress? Not really? Excuse my blunt demeanor, but it's a waste of time. It all comes back to integrity – being integrated. One story. One character. People will like you more if they can like the WHOLE you. You will like yourself better if you only have to think about ONE you. Then, you can really LIVE.

Insomnia

I feel like I could do anything, and I lay awake at night thinking about everything. Yikes!

I have seen God do so many cool things while up in Wisconsin that proves that if you just let God handle it, He will do a much better job. I don't why I can't do the same thing.

Where to live?? Close to church, close to work, in the middle… Do I even keep that job? I like it but I really can't get ahead in the position I am in right now. I want to be close to friends. Are they more my friend than I am theirs and is this all worth it? These are the stupid things I worry about that I shouldn't.

So far I have observed lots of cool places, but none of them feel as much like home as going back to The Rock. Am I taking too much control? I asked about 8 times if I need to move to Wisconsin and the answer was the same. It'd be great but it's not necessary and they are doing fine, which they are.

I am so excited to get back that I am forgetting that I am on this awesome trip now. Help me to tell my mind to shut up and just enjoy it.

Just about every night… maybe I need to lay off the coffee and lighten up.

Route Reversal Revelation

Reversing the route was 200% the right thing to do. When God first showed me that at church 2 weeks ago, I was thinking, "All right God, I'll go, I have no idea why". I knew it was largely in part for my uncle.

Since I have been there, there has been a huge transformation in his personality and attitude towards a stressful family situation. He told me flat out… all of the frustration and tension I was having is just gone. I also got there right when a lot of family stuff blew up, and God definitely used me to keep that situation under control. Praise God!

We have had some fantastic conversations and he seems to get more of a vacation out of me being there than I am. We talk about real things and have been having a fantastic time. He's actually posed some really interesting questions to me that have been challenging. I'm really pondering what to do with my life. He says I should create a business plan on how to make money off of talking to people. We'll see about that, but nonetheless it is flattering.

I pray I can continue to set some sort of example and remain completely open to God using me in this situation. I am getting a little homesick and socially exhausted. I got a break from dodge today and went into to Madison to explore. I am still open to God using me on a more permanent basis here. Overall, I am still sensing that I should go back to Sahuarita as originally prescribed. I am grinding gears a little bit here and I believe God would alleviate that if I was to stay. However, I really want God to tell me what to do, not me. Continued prayer for clarity is definitely appreciated.

Miss you all back in Arizona!

Love, Nate

 

Indestructibility

Wisconsin is kicking my butt, because I am letting it. It's time to step it up.

Many of you may or may not know that I spent a great deal of 2 years figuring out how to deal with my diet and acid reflux problems. For the last, I would say, 8 to 10 months I have had zero problems whatsoever. In fact, I found my medication when I was packing and had forgotten that I used to take it. How cool is that?

What had I done differently? I had basically adopted a whole new lifestyle. I was eating right, and exercising hard core. It all actually started with that Daniel fast and from there I just maintained what was working well. Eating God's way… not my own way.

Well, vacation hits as it always does and I begin to take a few liberties here and there. A few nights back I felt a little sick and I got to thinking about what I had eaten the last few days. I could do nothing but crack up because I had eaten nothing but complete garbage. Soon the "no big deal" stuff had become the only deal, and was a huge deal. In my head, I said ok, but did I really change anything? No.

A few more days pass and I got super sick. Probably the 2^nd or 3^rd worst acid reflux reaction ever. For a while I thought, "Wow, this came out of nowhere". I realized I have no reason to be surprised. Yes, something definitely was a huge trigger that I wasn't aware of, but were all the other things preceding that a surprise? No.

The whole experience was extremely humbling and I was reminded that I am not indestructible. Even if it isn't with food, the point I am trying to make is that, if God tells me or you to do something, and you slowly keep doing other stuff, there is no reason to be surprised when it kicks you in the butt.

What are you letting in that is slowly kicking your butt?

 

Plans

So I don't normally write stuff based on song lyrics, but a CD has particularly struck me on this trip so I thought I'd share.

After hearing the sermon at Pantano about reaching lost people, I set out to find the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark". I went to Bookmans the day I left and was looking for the song. Turns out I didn't even have the right artist. I happened to pick up the CD Plans by Death Cab for Cutie just because I was browsing random CDs I remembered from college. There the song was. I guess it's not by Modest Mouse after all.

I don't think the CD has a particularly Christian influence, but God is teaching me so much about Him through it.

Marching Bands of Manhattan - The message is about worry. It can drip in through a pin-hole. You can get comfortable with the sound and not fix it. All of a sudden you are in a rut and it drowns love. I know I do that. It reminded me how important it is to maintain your filter even at the smallest level, because all of a sudden you can be so far gone that you can't pull your way out. No making excuses... no "I'll just do it this once" or "a little bit".

I Will Follow You Into The Dark – This reminded me of having a best friend and sticking by them, just as God sticks with you in the good times and bad. It is so comforting to have a church family who I feel would follow me into the dark and fight with me and I am so blessed.

What Sarah Said – This song is actually really sad but so beautiful at the same time. It details the tension of a hospital waiting room and the slow process of losing someone you love. Watching someone love die is impossible but also shows the deep relationship with that person, and I couldn't help but think of what God went through watching his own son die. Really, is anything else that big of a deal when He endured that?

Brothers on a Hotel Bed – This song made me reflect on my relationship with God. I can be so easy to grow apart from him and feel distant, even when you are right next to Him. It's possible to become someone you don't even recognize if this relationship is missing. I definitely don't want to look in the mirror and wonder what happened. Time to press in even harder.

Every song really paints such an intense scene that I immediately felt a part of, which rarely happens with music for me. This CD is somewhat of a beautiful disaster. It's catchy and well orchestrated, but the content can be deep and disturbing. Its honesty and vulnerability definitely make it work checking out and reflecting upon. Maybe God wasn't their intention at all, but hey… He'll use anything to get the point across.