Route Reversal Revelation

Reversing the route was 200% the right thing to do. When God first showed me that at church 2 weeks ago, I was thinking, "All right God, I'll go, I have no idea why". I knew it was largely in part for my uncle.

Since I have been there, there has been a huge transformation in his personality and attitude towards a stressful family situation. He told me flat out… all of the frustration and tension I was having is just gone. I also got there right when a lot of family stuff blew up, and God definitely used me to keep that situation under control. Praise God!

We have had some fantastic conversations and he seems to get more of a vacation out of me being there than I am. We talk about real things and have been having a fantastic time. He's actually posed some really interesting questions to me that have been challenging. I'm really pondering what to do with my life. He says I should create a business plan on how to make money off of talking to people. We'll see about that, but nonetheless it is flattering.

I pray I can continue to set some sort of example and remain completely open to God using me in this situation. I am getting a little homesick and socially exhausted. I got a break from dodge today and went into to Madison to explore. I am still open to God using me on a more permanent basis here. Overall, I am still sensing that I should go back to Sahuarita as originally prescribed. I am grinding gears a little bit here and I believe God would alleviate that if I was to stay. However, I really want God to tell me what to do, not me. Continued prayer for clarity is definitely appreciated.

Miss you all back in Arizona!

Love, Nate

 

Indestructibility

Wisconsin is kicking my butt, because I am letting it. It's time to step it up.

Many of you may or may not know that I spent a great deal of 2 years figuring out how to deal with my diet and acid reflux problems. For the last, I would say, 8 to 10 months I have had zero problems whatsoever. In fact, I found my medication when I was packing and had forgotten that I used to take it. How cool is that?

What had I done differently? I had basically adopted a whole new lifestyle. I was eating right, and exercising hard core. It all actually started with that Daniel fast and from there I just maintained what was working well. Eating God's way… not my own way.

Well, vacation hits as it always does and I begin to take a few liberties here and there. A few nights back I felt a little sick and I got to thinking about what I had eaten the last few days. I could do nothing but crack up because I had eaten nothing but complete garbage. Soon the "no big deal" stuff had become the only deal, and was a huge deal. In my head, I said ok, but did I really change anything? No.

A few more days pass and I got super sick. Probably the 2^nd or 3^rd worst acid reflux reaction ever. For a while I thought, "Wow, this came out of nowhere". I realized I have no reason to be surprised. Yes, something definitely was a huge trigger that I wasn't aware of, but were all the other things preceding that a surprise? No.

The whole experience was extremely humbling and I was reminded that I am not indestructible. Even if it isn't with food, the point I am trying to make is that, if God tells me or you to do something, and you slowly keep doing other stuff, there is no reason to be surprised when it kicks you in the butt.

What are you letting in that is slowly kicking your butt?

 

Plans

So I don't normally write stuff based on song lyrics, but a CD has particularly struck me on this trip so I thought I'd share.

After hearing the sermon at Pantano about reaching lost people, I set out to find the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark". I went to Bookmans the day I left and was looking for the song. Turns out I didn't even have the right artist. I happened to pick up the CD Plans by Death Cab for Cutie just because I was browsing random CDs I remembered from college. There the song was. I guess it's not by Modest Mouse after all.

I don't think the CD has a particularly Christian influence, but God is teaching me so much about Him through it.

Marching Bands of Manhattan - The message is about worry. It can drip in through a pin-hole. You can get comfortable with the sound and not fix it. All of a sudden you are in a rut and it drowns love. I know I do that. It reminded me how important it is to maintain your filter even at the smallest level, because all of a sudden you can be so far gone that you can't pull your way out. No making excuses... no "I'll just do it this once" or "a little bit".

I Will Follow You Into The Dark – This reminded me of having a best friend and sticking by them, just as God sticks with you in the good times and bad. It is so comforting to have a church family who I feel would follow me into the dark and fight with me and I am so blessed.

What Sarah Said – This song is actually really sad but so beautiful at the same time. It details the tension of a hospital waiting room and the slow process of losing someone you love. Watching someone love die is impossible but also shows the deep relationship with that person, and I couldn't help but think of what God went through watching his own son die. Really, is anything else that big of a deal when He endured that?

Brothers on a Hotel Bed – This song made me reflect on my relationship with God. I can be so easy to grow apart from him and feel distant, even when you are right next to Him. It's possible to become someone you don't even recognize if this relationship is missing. I definitely don't want to look in the mirror and wonder what happened. Time to press in even harder.

Every song really paints such an intense scene that I immediately felt a part of, which rarely happens with music for me. This CD is somewhat of a beautiful disaster. It's catchy and well orchestrated, but the content can be deep and disturbing. Its honesty and vulnerability definitely make it work checking out and reflecting upon. Maybe God wasn't their intention at all, but hey… He'll use anything to get the point across.

Generalization Obliteration

There seems to be a theme emerging from this trip. There are places I had little to no interaction with in the past and had it set in my mind that they were total worthless duds. Take the entire state of New Mexico, for example. It was always the red head step sibling of Arizona. Why would you even bother if you could just live there? The same was true with a few places in Colorado. Now that I look back, I probably drove through these places on the major interstate, not even bothering to try. Yet it was already set in my mind.

On this trip, I have been making it a point when taking the interstate to get off and find cool things, and I have been blown away. There is some amazing architecture and culture in Santa Fe that blows Arizona out of the water. What Tucson and Flagstaff are trying to do, Santa Fe does and does it well. Wow, I took 10 minutes to give something a second chance and look what happened. Right now I am in Pueblo, Colorado. I had only been here once to visit people and thought that their little side of town, which is very nice, was the whole thing. Now I am sitting on this amazing river walk that I had no idea existed, neither the river nor the walk.

Now I feel like I must examine what areas of my life I am living in a bubble. What places do I take one experience, good or bad, and apply it to every scenario and every person involved. At work? School? Groups of people? Parts of town? Entire towns? I can't imagine what I am missing out on, and more importantly, how many people I am pissing off by grouping them with something they definitely are not. Do any of us like being generalized? As hard as it may be, and this can be very hard in my line of work, I feel challenged to take each situation on a case by case basis and love it like Jesus did.

I'd definitely appreciate anybody calling me out if they see me doing this. It's going to take work Sure it can be passed off as fun or, "there are stereotypes for a reason"… Really… the answer should be heck NO!

Mining Operation

Yesterday I was driving though the crazy mining towns of Clifton and Morenci, I observed the huge undertaking we as men have created. By the world's standards, we are in awe of the magnitude of our operations and strive and stress over what is still no comparison to what God can do. After all the mining work, we are left with one big flat blob of mountain. It's huge, but it seems so primitive. Right next to these are immensely articulate mountains fraught with life, detail, light, and beauty.

Half the time I feel like we are in a constant competition. If we are spending so much time competing, where is the reverence for God? Relatively speaking, we are all on the same playing field and should be helping each other, not for our glory but to amplify God's glory. I am a little bit fed up with the operation the world has become – the marketing, the money, the fame. I asked myself and I challenge you to ask yourselves what you can do to undermine the world's operation and magnify the better operation. I sometimes wonder if architecture as a profession strives to compete with God's awesome operation. That is something I would love an answer to. I guess it really comes down to how I use it.

I got to thinking about fame, and how it is over-rated. The other day I found myself reading a stupid Star magazine at Precision Toyota. Why are these people getting a far bigger spotlight than God? Maybe this is more of a personal conviction, but does God really want us as men to make a name for ourselves? Rod definitely hit the nail on the head when he was praying for me at live group the other night. Overt and in your face is definitely not my style.

It's time to Live Hard… under the radar.

Last Minute Overhaul

Hey all! This note happened on Sunday but, let's face it, why would I log on to the computer when I get to hang out with Luke, Jenna, and Melissa.

Well, I thought the trip was all mapped out. I roughly had it coordinated with budget. I had the general outline. It's what I've been telling people for months. However, that spark of excitement that drove this whole endeavor wasn't there. I just hadn't been feeling it and had been praying on that a lot over the last couple weeks. I didn't want to leave just to flounder about. Yea a break from everything is nice, for about a day. I feel like I am in the season to connect with people.

So I was at church on Sunday and during the message I felt an extremely strong conviction to go to Wisconsin first. Get to my family now. It would be better for them and better for me. All of a sudden this trip had a purpose and that excitement I had been praying for had returned. I figured I would call Uncle Mike and, based his reaction, finalize the decision that minute. I would have to since I was set to leave in T minus 20 hours. He said "the sooner the better" and the deal was done.

Essentially I am working the route in reverse, picking where I want to go each day, and trusting God with the rest since there was no time for me to plan anything. It seems like when I plan it, stuff get's all complicated anyway. However, there is so much freedom in not having a plan and just trusting that I feel the trip is now what it was meant to be in the first place. Whatever happened the last few months of planning I have no idea but I'm glad that's out of the way. God has already shown me so much in my willingness to just let go.

Live Hard

 

 

God Should Do More Planning

So it seemed like every little thing that could get in the way right before I was supposed to take off did. I was getting so stressed out. I had to get my glasses repaired only a few days before the trip and obviously I can't leave without them.

Friday comes along and they aren't in, which meant if they weren't in on Saturday, I would have to wait until Tuesday because Diamond Eyecare is shut on Monday. This would not only give me a late start, but I would have to figure out where I prefer to sit around and do nothing – Tucson or Phoenix.

I had to leave for Tucson Saturday morning to take care of other business and go to church before I would know if my glasses would be in or not. Do I go, or not? Rearrange everything again? Skip church? Keep all engagements and risk driving back and forth to Phoenix, AGAIN. Ugh. I was so frustrated. I was ready to go.

Well, God had a big "meanwhile" and was working on everything far better than any of the scenarios I was creating. All of what I knew had some sort of huge dilemma. Pessimism strikes back.

So I am getting my car serviced on Saturday and head over to the eye doctor hoping and praying they would be in so I could leave on Sunday.

God had an even better solution. The glasses weren't in… but…

He changed the hours of Diamond Eyecare to start being open on Mondays, starting THAT Monday. WHAT??! AWESOME! My glasses would be in first thing in the morning and Luke so graciously accepted a couch surfer one more night.

Not only did I get to hang out with him, I got to see Jenna and Melissa again. And Jonathan. I got some great prayer for the trip. I got further confirmation about this decision going to Elements at Pantano. I missed a HUGE storm that I would have been caught in on the road Sunday night – plus I got to just chill and watch the amazing lightning show. God also pushed it to Monday knowing this huge problem with a bill would come up that I would have to take care of in person Monday morning in Tucson. If I had left without dealing with it, I'm not even sure I could have dealt with it over the phone, nor would I have wanted to. I got to leave with a clean slate, a clean mind.

God is Awesome!

Concept Perimeter Launch

So it's happening. 2 days until the supposed launch.

For those who have no clue what this trip is about, I inserted 2 notes from earlier in the year to catch you up. See below.

This is the biggest trip of my life and I am more disorganized than any other trip in my life. I feel like this weekend is just like any other weekend. I have been running around non-stop for 3 weeks. I've had 4 or 5 different homes. I've lost count. I am ready to be settled. I'm tired. Obedience must prevail. It's now or never and there will always be an excuse not to go. I can't back down. I want to but I won't.

I trust that all this will come together and it will be amazing. I have received some great prayer. To follow up, every prayer and concern mentioned earlier has been answered and solved far more than I ever imagined. God has made it clear that He wants this. I need to make it about him. His generosity is astounding.

God has also been upping the challenge. I am to reach out to the lost. My list of lost contains at least 5 people I will encounter along the path that are very close to me, not to mention all the people I have yet to meet. I have no idea how to start these conversations but I trust that God will take care of that.

The enemy is trying to throw in every hang up he can at the last minute. My patience is wearing thin and I ask for strength to press on.

The route is roughly planned. Rough enough for spontaneity, that's for sure. The budget is mapped out. Dave Ramsey would be proud.

Check here for updates as the trip goes on. I hope to get back into the great writings I was doing earlier in the year. For those, see Facebook. I will also try to post these entries to Facebook as well. Please be praying for me. This time in my life is so freaking strange right now. I don't have a clue.

Time to JUMP like never before.

Concept Perimeter Update

When it rains, it pours. God has been pouring out like rain, but it has been quite the storm lately as well. I have definitely seen the importance of living a lifestyle of fasting and prayer not just for three weeks, but always. The fast ended and I'll be the first to admit that some things went back to the way they were and I am trying to figure out how to press in more again. I am exhausted and I know it's because I am not reliant enough on him. I have let other distractions work their way back in, and have also figured out which things were a distraction all along.


The theme of slaves and masters keeps coming up and it is amazing how many things we become slaves to. For me, my phone and the computer are huge. You would think if I didn't have it for 2 hours I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I find myself thinking about it and checking it even when I don't want to. They quickly become the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. Shouldn't those be God? That is a huge reason I got rid of text messaging recently. Not only was it doing a disservice to the quality of relationships I had with my friends and family, it was doing a huge disservice to my relationship with God. I felt God was saying, "Yes, you can keep it, but you know you'll put me on the back burner. Look at me, I'm already there. It's only worse from here." That scared me, because He was right.


I feel I need to make myself be as distraction free as possible because God has placed a whole other dimension to this trip on my heart that I need to consider. I know its God, because the idea goes against all other desires I as a human ever wanted to do. I always knew plugging into family was a part of this trip with my brother in Pittsburgh and the aunts/uncles/cousins/grandma in Wisconsin and Illinois. Recent occurrences will result in my grandma moving up to Wisconsin to live with my aunt and uncle who I'm all very close with. Like right now, she may be fine for 5, 10 more years, or things could change in 5, 10 months. Only God knows that one. I am trying to discern if God wants me to take a more substantial pause in the trip and stay in Wisconsin. A stay of the get-a-job-and-a-WI-license-plate nature. Not only do I want to help if I can, I want to hang out with my grandma whether she's totally well or not. I grew up 1500 miles away from there and she is the closest and only surviving grandparent I have. That extended family bonding is a huge part of me that always felt missing. It's the kind of bonding you don't get from 1 week a year. The voice in the back of my head is saying, "What reason do you have to not do it now? LIVE HARD."


I'll tell you the main reason why not. I finally feel home here. It took 4 ½ years of prayer and frustration and sadness (off and on of course, it wasn't all bad). A year ago, you could have given me a lame reason to move back to Phoenix or Illinois and I would have because I felt I had nothing real holding me here, definitely not the connection with God I missed. God called me to this great church and great friends and has opened my eyes to the great beauty that surrounds me. Yes, He also reminded me that he is everywhere and I can't put him in the box of Phoenix or Illinois which I had been. I guess I need to now not put Him in the box of Sahuarita or Tucson or even Phoenix if I will truly be in the position to be obedient. Dang…


Every time I think about how He has answered so many prayers by bringing me to the Rock and strengthening relationships from the Vineyard I want to cry. Yes, I would be going to family, but I would also be leaving my church family. That makes me want to cry, but not for as happy of a reason as the first. Especially to live in Wisconsin which I was vehemently against and, aside from the family, sounds dreadfully boring and oppressive. I guess I shouldn't be so negative. I still know I can come back to this great family after all this, and in the whole scheme of things, 2 months or a year is almost insignificant. Indecisively, I want to just go for the week and figure it out then, but I know it takes a little more preparation on everyone's part if something like this is to happen. Right now my best plan is to plan to be in the position to stay if I felt called to, and be happy with either outcome, because in the end either will be great. I ask for prayers, peace, and clarity about this decision.

Concept Perimeter

For a long time now God has put it on my heart to travel around the US after I graduate. Pack up after this lease is up and drive. With no plan.

I had reservations about this because I felt that I was traveling just to escape, or because I had no place better to be. I also felt I had no place that I wanted to come back to. I didn't want to leave under those circumstances... think of how emotionally depressing that would be. To be homeless... homeless without a church. Homeless without a family. Homeless without an actual home. Homeless without a purpose.

I often time associate getting away with finding God. I had God in the box that I keep anywhere but here. So another reservation I had been having was that if it was going to take a trip like that to find God, I would never be happy or feel planted in the home, because what is home without God? See the dilemma?

Well as God has worked a lot of these things out since I chose to plug into Him full force back when Tim said "Jump". I had to Jump and be all in for Him. This was perhaps the first time ever, if not a very long time, that I felt like I was committing to a relationship with God first because of my own desire to have a direct relationship. I wasn't just going along for friends or making spiritual steps because my friends were. Steps I really didn't understand. God met me that day.

I had a great conversation with my friend Keith the other night about the decision to become a member at the Rock that I have been wrestling with for months. It basically came down to "should I follow where God is growing me, leading me, and clearly answering prayer; or should I have reservations and deny it and essentially deny Him by holding onto something my own head keeps trying to justify"... Well the answer sounded so obvious coming from him but it took hearing it from outside my own head to get how completely asinine and disobedient it would be to consider the second option. We've all been there. We like to hold on.

Well now that I feel like I am planted in a church and know how to find God wherever I am, He seems to have laid this idea of a trip, a sabbatical, on my heart again... but for the right reasons. It will be a major testament of my faith. A chance to rest in Him. A chance for excitement. A chance to plug into my family. A chance to explore and seek the beauty that he weaves so intricately into each place I will encounter.

Then I thought about denying fruits and have seen how writing, if for nobody but myself, has been a huge way God has worked in my life (and the lives of others from what I gather).

"Concept:Perimeter" - God laid it on me heavily to not deny this gift of writing and sharing with others. He put that title of a book in my head that I am to write to share what he shows me as I perimeter the United States after I graduate. Literally coast to coast, top to bottom. I don't doubt that he will show me at least one thing in each place I stop, whether it be in conversation, observation, or meditation.

He even answered how I can time this trip almost seamlessly with graduation and work. Without having to stall a month and have an awkward transition of homelessness. Take the route backwards. It puts me in each place at a beautiful time of year for that place if I leave when my lease is up. August 1st.

I ask for prayer in finances - that I can be a steward of my finances well enough to be able to be obedient and take this trip. And if I am not, that I can step out in enough faith to do it anyways. I pray for insight and support and wisdom about how all of this can be communicated effectively to reach the people who need to be reached.

I don't know all the details but by putting this out there now, I ask people to hold me to this. I know God will reveal the rest in the appropriate time. If I didn't share it, I could easily just let it fall by the wayside and potentially miss out on the most wonderful opportunity of my life.

Live Hard.